Why Home Users Absolutely Shouldn't Use Linux

All over the place, I'm seeing websites and blogs claiming that everybody needs to switch to Linux. Some say Ubuntu, some say Debian, and some say Slackware, but they all seem to agree on Linux in general. I have created a list of five reasons why they are wrong. Not all of these reasons will necessarily apply to you in particular, whoever you may be, but they all apply to somebody and enough apply to you.

1. You already PAID for an OS
Almost every new computer sold (with a few exceptions made by Dell) comes with either Mac OS X, Windows XP, or Windows Vista. When you purchased your computer, you PAID MONEY for the operating system that was bundled with it. Linux may be free, but why throw away what you already paid for? Furthermore, if you ever want to run Mac or Windows software on Linux, you have to PURCHASE MORE SOFTWARE to do so, rather than just running it natively on your pre-installed OS. It simply doesn't make economic sense, unless you are either a billionaire or bad at math. I'm pretty sure that I don't have any billionaire readers, so that means that ANYBODY WHO READS MY BLOG AND USES LINUX IS OPENLY ADMITTING TO HAVING FAILED ELEMENTARY SCHOOL ARITHMETICS. You don't want to be known as a failure at elementary school, do you?

2. "Free alternatives" are just not as good
Because Linux won't actually run most commercial programs, many free programs have been made by Linux advocates as substitutes. Unfortunately, there are only three of these that are actually any good: Paint.net, OpenOffice.org, and Notepad ++, and two of the three don't even run on Linux! In addition, there is a lie being spread around that the GIMP is just as powerful as Photoshop and a good substitute; this may be true when comparing it to versions of Photoshop released in 1999 or earlier, but many of the most useful and important features introduced in Photoshop 6.0 and later still have yet to be replicated by the GIMP. This means that to accomplish anything useful in Linux other than word processing or spreadsheets, you have to use commercial, non-Linux software that won't necessarily even work when used with emulators or programs intended to do this, which very much defeats the purpose. TO DEFEAT SOMETHING AS KIND AND BEAUTIFUL AS THE PURPOSE IS VILLAINY, AND IF YOU DO THIS THAN KIM POSSIBLE WILL BUST INTO YOUR HOUSE AND BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF YOU. You don't want to be known as somebody who got beat up by a girl, do you?

3. It doesn't "just work"
When you buy a Mac, it comes pre-assembled with all compatible hardware and software. Most of it is made by the Apple and specifically designed to work well with what isn't made by Apple, so you can be sure it'll work right together. When you buy a PC, it comes pre-assembled with parts from all over the place that have been specifically selected by a manufacturer or retailer to make sure that they are compatible, so you can be sure it'll work right together. Linux, however, usually needs to be installed by the user, and there's no guarantee that a Linux driver will be available for whatever hardware you have. You'll likely spend long periods of time on community-based help sites such as ubuntuforums.org trying to solve a problem that would never have arisen on OSX or Windows. This means that ANYBODY WITH ANY AMOUNT OF EXPERIENCE WHO INSTALLS LINUX WILL TAKE LONGER INSTALLING A SIMPLE PRINTER THAN JOE AVERAGE WITH NEXT TO NO EXPERIENCE. You don't want to be known as slower than a noob, do you?

4. You are not a nerd
To install an application on a Mac, you drag the application's icon to where you want it to be, and you're done. To install an application on Windows, you run a step-by-step wizard that asks you where you want it to be, and sets up shortcuts for easy access. To install an application on Linux, you need to type in something complicated such as "apt-get install nautilus", "tar xvf gzip-1.2.4.tar", or both. If you don't know what those mean, or if you don't think you can memorize something like that, then YOU'RE PRETTY MUCH SCREWED. You don't want to be known as pretty much screwed, do you?

5. You are not a pompous ass
Common reasons for using OSX include things such as "I really like the interface", "My Mac came with a free iPod Nano" (students only), "I'm interested in Apple's iLife suite", or "It looked attractive on the shelf". Not all the best reasons, but at least decent reasons nonetheless. Common reasons for using Windows include "It's easier to get help because it's so widely used", "Most of the software I need or want is only for Windows", "It's very readily available", or "I really like the interface". Again, the reasons aren't necessarily the best, but they are still okay. Common reasons for using Linux include "It's free" (which doesn't make sense if you've already paid for an OS), "Windows is very buggy and unstable" (which is true, but most Linux distributions are even worse), and most commonly "It's not as popular, so if I use it then it makes me superior" (People won't admit to this reason, but it's true). None of these are good reasons. If you use Linux, it means YOU ARE JUST AS BAD AT BEING UNIQUE AS GOTHS, EMOS, and PUNKS WITH SPIKY GREEN AND PINK HAIR. You don't want to be as bad as those losers, do you?

In all reality, there are some valid reasons to use Linux, such as running large-scale web servers, or keeping tight corporate security. Unless you work for a large company, you probably don't have a good reason to be using Linux. Even if you build a computer yourself and simply don't want to give any money to Microsoft or Apple because you think that capitalism is evil, you should keep in mind that every single part you buy is made by a large company such as Intel, AMD, nVidia, or many others. Don't fall victim to the lies of the nerds, Being a sheep doesn't mean paying a large company for something that works; it means BLINDLY FOLLOWING THE NERDS AND SELF-PROCLAIMED EXPERTS JUST BECAUSE THEY TELL YOU TO. You don't want to be a sheep, do you?