School's Out!

You read correctly. The school year is over, in most parts of the United States and certain various other nations worldwide. I only live in the United States, however, so I can tell you what it means here.

What it means to parents:
Your kids are out of school. This has both upsides and downsides. Unfortunately, you won't have any more peace for the rest of the summer, especially if you have multiple kids. Be prepared for long arguments about whether bedtimes are relevant during the summer, whether curfew is relevant during the summer, and whether or not the kids need to be up before noon. Also, be ready to break up fights between the various age groups your kids represent. If you have teenagers, you'll be spending your spare time giving them rides to various hangout places such as the mall, the theater, and the park, all without actually being seen. On the plus side, though, your kids will finally have time to help around the house, and you won't have to bug them about their homework anymore for at least another few months. You'll be able to go on family outings which you won't realize until afterward were bad ideas. No more parent-teacher conferences, no more arguing about whether the kid is actually sick, no more missed busses. Unless your kid is attending summer school, in which case, you get the worst parts of both summer and school. Remember to chew your kid out for ruining your summer.

What it means to younger kids:
No more pencils, no more books, no more teachers' dirty looks! The neighborhood is yours for the taking. It's time to set up a club and a clubhouse, complete with misspelled job titles written on the business cards you took from your dad's desk in the den. Make sure you spend money on a daily basis on candy and sodapop from the nearest gas station or minimart. If you have an older brother or sister, whine and start fights, and blame him or her when your parents come out to see what all the fuss is about. Make sure to repeat this process at least 6 times a day, and always over something completely trivial, such as the last Pop-Tart in the morning. After a week of summer vacation has passed, beg to go to the beach on a consistant basis, and don't stop until your parents finally give in. When you get there, complain that the water's too cold, and say that it's because the sunblock lotion is preventing you from feeling the heat in the water. The day before school starts again, start on your summer reading list.

What it means to teenagers:
Sit on butt watching television. Continue this process most of the day, and repeat at least 8 times a week. When your parents finally shoo you out of the house, spend all day loitering in front of the pizza place in the food court at the mall. Use your cellphone to call some friends to loiter with you. Eventually, the manager will shoo you out of his store. Take advantage of this opportunity to see a movie. Make sure to have a junior or a senior with you, so that you can see the R-rated movie that your parents won't take you to (Not like you'd want to go with them anyway, that's embarassing). During the movie, spill popcorn, candy, and sodapop all over the floor. If the person sitting in front of you leaves to use the restroom, put your feet on his or her seat until he or she arrives and complains. After the movie, loiter in front of the theater until the manager sees you. Argue loudly as he tries to shoo you away, and don't leave until he threatens to call the police. Go home and complain that adults are intolerant of teenagers, and spend rest of evening watching television.

What it means to college students:
Go home for the summer. Act like teenager, but spread graffiti everywhere.


So there you have it. Note that I didn't tell anyone to go swimming. This is because it will just end in blood, I guarantee it.