Saturday, September 23, 2006

Dealing With Internet Trolls

Before I get into the main meat of the post, I'd like to talk about literal meat. Next to my door, I have two and a half stickers proving that I survived the inferno burger. That equals about five patties (two per burger, the other was from a half-sized inferno that I ordered when not very hungry), each with its share of iron-smelting spices and ingredients. Currently, I am in the lead, and I will work to keep this lead for the rest of the school year. Now, on with the post!

In the many different areas of the internet, you will find many different types of internet trolls. Lurking at message boards, chatrooms, and blog comments, every troll has a distinct way of operating. A beginner troll will be extreme right from the start, whereas an expert troll will weasel his way into a community and use subtlety to bother people, going as long as possible without being banned. In the next few paragraphs, I will attempt to teach you how to recognize the various kinds of trolls, their skill level, and how to deal with them.


Spambot
Skill Level: N/A


Description:
A spambot is a program designed by a human, but not an actual human. They are usually found in forums, messageboards, and blog comments, rather than chatrooms. A spambot will often not disguise its intent at all, with a post topic such as "100% low interest cars insurance automobile vehicle collision full" or "girls lesbians sex rape incest porn hot babes on babes". The contents of these posts will be a series of links, usually about 50 or so, repeated in various formats that are compatible with the different types of message board software.

Solution:
A spambot usually only makes one post and leaves, but some will continue until banned. Your best bet is to report to a board moderator or administrator and then ignore it until somebody with a capable account bans it.


Random Crap
Skill Level: 1/10


Description:
These people are mainly beginners, and stick to moderately populated forums. They will create an account with a generic name such as "dragonball857", and make junk posts in random topics. These junk posts could consist of keyboard mashing, all-caps swearing, or off-topic posts about their girlfriend. It is always clear that they have no intention of posting anything even remotely useful.

Solution:
Just let a moderator deal with it. There's no fun to be had trying to deal with these people yourself, as they likely don't even pay attention to what's posted, even if it's directed at them.


Liar
Skill Level: 5/10


Description:
A liar will find a board or chatroom that's likely to have people asking questions, such as a religion, politics, or technology related chatroom, and spread bad information to confuse people. Can be identified through statements such as "I saw President Bush mug a black person", "I saw Bill Gates mug a black person", or "I saw the Pope mug a black person". Sometimes they will act normally until a question is asked, and deliberately give the wrong answer. "Actually, one US dollar is the same as two Euros."

Solution:
These people are especially dangerous to newbies in the matter at hand, as they don't know what to believe. When they spout out a bad fact, correct them and give a source for your information. Depending on how determined they are, they may try to argue. Ask them where they got their information, and that should shut them up.


Subject Stalker/Thread Hijacker
Skill Level: 8


Description:
Perhaps one of the most annoying types of trolls, these people will wait for the mention of something even remotely related to a specific concept, and change the subject to an argument about that concept. For example, if a person even mentions music in a post about their weekend, the hijacker will turn the thread into a rant about the RIAA. This type of troll isn't obvious at first, but after the troll has done the same thing to about six threads it will become blatant, especially if it's a particularly drastic change from the original subject.

"Your son was watching Sesame Street? I watch TV sometimes. I don't like Family Guy."

"Yeah, I'm excited about the Simpsons Movie. At least it's not a movie about Fox's other show, Family Guy."

"Wow, that looks like a cool video game. I should play that video game on my TV. It's better than using my TV to watch Family Guy. I hate that show!"

"That sounds like a good recipe. Did you learn about it on the Food Network? I hope you don't also watch Family Guy on TV."

Solution:
Wait for this guy to start a thread of his own, and hijack it to some unrelated subject, such as Eli Whitney. Eventually, if enough people complain, this guy will get banned, but it might take a while. You might want to point out every time the troll does this, so it'll be more obvious in case the mods or admins don't catch it.


I'll be honest with you, I don't feel like writing anymore. This is plenty long enough anyway, but there's still more to say, so I'll finish this tomorrow.

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