Welcome back, Me!

Welcome back, Covarr. It has been one month, two days, and twelve hours since you last posted. Please try not to abandon your reader base for extended periods like this, as it is already considerably smaller than you'd prefer.

So, I've been doing all sorts of stuff since last you read the fruit of my brain. Much of it was top-secret, but allow me to share what I can over the course of the rest of the week, with a single post every other day in my new 3 chapter series, "Welcome back, Me!"

Chapter 1: Impeding Imperial Importance

"How do you do?" I asked vicariously as the king nonchalantly shook my eloquent hand. He responded with a similarly ubiquitous greeting. Of course, I had not the clearance to do something as presumptuous as to make physical contact with one as high-ranking and royal as he, so alert secret service agents seized me and wrestled me to the ground.

I looked at my computer screen, reading that last paragraph to myself over and over again. "I know I can do better than that", I thought. "For starters, I may have to stick to words that I know, so as not to speak in lies and gibberish. Furthermore, I'll have to write only in facts if I want people to believe me. There's no way I can put this crap on my blog." As it turned out, there was, but I didn't realize it yet. What I'd have to do was blog about how crappy some of my ideas were, and use that as an example, but that was a topic for another time.

Eventually, I gave up on attempting to write and went to get a sandwich. It was only then that I noticed the horrible truth: there was no more bologna in the fridge. "No problem," I thought, "I'll just have peanut butter and jelly." Little did I know the terrible fate that awaited me: there was no more jelly in the fridge. Nearly ready to give up, I decided that at the very least I could have a peanut butter and pickle sandwich. I was not prepared for the painful misfortune that awaited me: there were no more pickles in the fridge. Also, the bread was all gone. Clearly I wasn't going to have a sandwich.

All this happened on Wednesday, December 20 of 2006. This cycle of not posting and not eating sandwiches continued for about a week, when nothing eventful happened except for Christmas, but I'll be darned if it wasn't the best Christmas ever. It all started in the morning, when my alarm clock didn't go off. My alarm clock continued not to go off for about an hour or so, at which point I woke up and, out of habit, slammed the snooze button and started to go back to sleep. Instead of falling asleep, however, I figured out that I'd been thwarted by my own laziness, and had forgotten to plug the stupid thing in for approximately the tenth day in a row. I had slept through a good chunk of Christmas morning, and my family was moderately peeved at me. After this minor incident, the rest of Christmas happened, and I sang a solo during the Christmas play at church. Basically, it was an ordinary day.

Over the course of the next six days, the rest of December finished itself off down to the very last drop, and I overslept every morning during that time. At some point I may have purchased Christmas presents for my family, but at the time of this writing there is a nagging part of my brain telling me that I did that before Christmas rather than afterwards. Also, during this time, I didn't play the video game that I'd gotten as a gift for a system that I don't own. I thought it amazing how neatly things had worked out, and how little I needed to do. Sure my mom was pestering me to get a job, and sure my grandmother was telling me that dropping out of college was a stupid decision, but I just reeked of happiness and exuded joy.

End of Chapter One. Stay tuned for the next part coming in just two days.