Why I won't debate with you
It's all over the news. It's on the radio. You see it in sitcoms. The average person is exceptionally stupid, and causes a ton of trouble for himself and those close to him due to some obscenely obvious oversight. This is just the media's portrayal of humanity though. The fact is, even though you can never predict when somebody will turn off their brain and wreck something, most people tend to think rationally and act competently.
This all goes down the drain when people debate. Keep in mind that I'm not referring to debates in school or presidential campaigns, in which the participants are given time to prepare and research the various topics they'll be debating. I'm referring to the average person on a message board, a random coworker, your next door neighbor, a member of either your close or extended family. It could be ANYONE. The debate isn't necessarily something significant like politics or religion; it could be anything from "The best Beatles album" to "What to have for lunch". Sometimes the problem is a logical fallacy, and sometimes the other person is just being a douche. Whatever it is, you simply can't predict it.
Anyway, here are some of the more ridiculous things I've read or heard:
LA LA LA I'M NOT LISTENING!!!!
Everybody knows this one. It's the first one you hear after you start school as a kid. The reasoning behind it is rather inconsistent, but it usually falls into one of three categories:
1. The person thinks that his argument is so good that he shouldn't even acknowledge the possibility that there's a better one.
2. The person thinks that if his argument is the best presented then he automatically wins, so he simply doesn't allow any other arguments to be made.
3. The person knows that you're right and he's wrong, but would rather resort to pettiness than admit defeat.
Unfortunately, this one isn't just limited to the playground. It doesn't matter how delicately you phrase it; this is a petty tactic for kids, and downright shameful for adults.
I don't care!
This one is particularly annoying. A person will argue with the vigor of a thousand vigorous things, and then when he runs out of arguments will shout "I don't care!" with just as much vigor. Basically, what it means is, "I don't have anything more to say, but I refuse to admit that I was wrong or that you were right. This way I can end the discussion without losing." When you hear it, it's safe to assume that you won in theory, but your message didn't get through to the other person because he was too busy being pissy to listen.
It can be tricky to recognize this one because sometimes people will say it when they genuinely don't care about a topic. The difference is that when a person really doesn't care, they won't bother to have the argument; it's only a problem when people use it to end something instead of to avoid it.
im derailin ur threadz
Ugh. I don't want to go too in depth with this one, because writing about it is about as pleasant as snorting a mixture of Nutra-Sweet, Baby Formula, table salt, and cocaine. Actually, I'm only guessing, as I've never snorted such a thing, but it's PROBABLY as painful, if not more so. Well, here goes.
There are a few ways of derailing things, and all of them are certifiably annoying:
1. Unfocused Distraction. You can't blame people too much for this, because it's a real symptom of ADD. It is, however, still annoying. It's impossible to have a decent discussion when every other sentence is off-topic. No matter how nice your car's upholstery is, it is not relevant to a debate about traffic cops and speed traps. When trying to decide between two identically priced items at a restaurant, do not complain about the price of a third item that you do not want anyway. A fanfiction that you read has nothing to do with which Star Wars move was the best. The inability to focus can stop a conversation dead in its tracks like this.
2. Focused Distraction (Tangents). This is actually quite similar to unfocused distraction, but much more subtle. The person will start out saying something pertinent to the conversation, but each following sentence will be based on the previous statement instead of the conversation as a whole. Often, this is made into either a rant or a criticism on the same subject over and over again. Elliot, from the sitcom Scrubs, does this quite a bit, for example. Most everything she says turns into a memory from her youth. Then again, that's part of what makes Scrubs funny. Even without Elliot, it would be a clever and witty show. My only real complaint is that the show hasn't been as good lately as it was in its earlier seasons. Fortunately, if the writers' strike ends in time for the show to continue, it will probably go back to what made it good before; the first few episodes of the current season have shown some promise.
3. Nitpicking. This is when somebody argues with a minor detail of a statement that doesn't have any impact on the validity of the what was said. Sure, you missspelled "astronaut", but that doesn't have anything to do with whether or not the moon landing was faked. Sometimes people will do this once they've run out of legitimate arguments, and sometimes they do it before they run out simply to prolong the debate. Either way, it's annoying and a waste of time.
4. Spam. This one is unique in that it's often (but not always) caused by a third party who has no interest or involvement in the discussion at hand, and also in that it's only really possible on the internet. Perhaps, in the middle of a debate, somebody will make a post with about a hundred links, each with different misspellings of "free viagra", "good rates home loans for refinancing", and "get some hot porns here of all the different fetishes" (If you got to this page by searching for terms similar to those, slap yourself on the face right now). It could be a new board member saying "test post tell me if this shows up". It could be simple douchebaggery, as in this real example which I witnessed just days ago (names have been changed to protect the annoying):
Captain Genius: "xshbycbfxtdg h gb"
Corporal Fartypants: "In English, please?"
Captain Genius: "spamming the thread for the sake of spamming the thread."
If you find that you have a habit of being regularly guilty of any of these, then I will NOT attempt to explain myself to you. I do not have the time to waste, and neither do most people. Please learn to converse in a rational and thoughtful manner. Make sure that the people around you can understand the words that are coming out of your mouth. Make sure that you actually have something to say before saying it. If you do, then I can assure you that the world will be a much more pleasant place, and that people will like to be around you.
This all goes down the drain when people debate. Keep in mind that I'm not referring to debates in school or presidential campaigns, in which the participants are given time to prepare and research the various topics they'll be debating. I'm referring to the average person on a message board, a random coworker, your next door neighbor, a member of either your close or extended family. It could be ANYONE. The debate isn't necessarily something significant like politics or religion; it could be anything from "The best Beatles album" to "What to have for lunch". Sometimes the problem is a logical fallacy, and sometimes the other person is just being a douche. Whatever it is, you simply can't predict it.
Anyway, here are some of the more ridiculous things I've read or heard:
LA LA LA I'M NOT LISTENING!!!!
Everybody knows this one. It's the first one you hear after you start school as a kid. The reasoning behind it is rather inconsistent, but it usually falls into one of three categories:
1. The person thinks that his argument is so good that he shouldn't even acknowledge the possibility that there's a better one.
2. The person thinks that if his argument is the best presented then he automatically wins, so he simply doesn't allow any other arguments to be made.
3. The person knows that you're right and he's wrong, but would rather resort to pettiness than admit defeat.
Unfortunately, this one isn't just limited to the playground. It doesn't matter how delicately you phrase it; this is a petty tactic for kids, and downright shameful for adults.
I don't care!
This one is particularly annoying. A person will argue with the vigor of a thousand vigorous things, and then when he runs out of arguments will shout "I don't care!" with just as much vigor. Basically, what it means is, "I don't have anything more to say, but I refuse to admit that I was wrong or that you were right. This way I can end the discussion without losing." When you hear it, it's safe to assume that you won in theory, but your message didn't get through to the other person because he was too busy being pissy to listen.
It can be tricky to recognize this one because sometimes people will say it when they genuinely don't care about a topic. The difference is that when a person really doesn't care, they won't bother to have the argument; it's only a problem when people use it to end something instead of to avoid it.
im derailin ur threadz
Ugh. I don't want to go too in depth with this one, because writing about it is about as pleasant as snorting a mixture of Nutra-Sweet, Baby Formula, table salt, and cocaine. Actually, I'm only guessing, as I've never snorted such a thing, but it's PROBABLY as painful, if not more so. Well, here goes.
There are a few ways of derailing things, and all of them are certifiably annoying:
1. Unfocused Distraction. You can't blame people too much for this, because it's a real symptom of ADD. It is, however, still annoying. It's impossible to have a decent discussion when every other sentence is off-topic. No matter how nice your car's upholstery is, it is not relevant to a debate about traffic cops and speed traps. When trying to decide between two identically priced items at a restaurant, do not complain about the price of a third item that you do not want anyway. A fanfiction that you read has nothing to do with which Star Wars move was the best. The inability to focus can stop a conversation dead in its tracks like this.
2. Focused Distraction (Tangents). This is actually quite similar to unfocused distraction, but much more subtle. The person will start out saying something pertinent to the conversation, but each following sentence will be based on the previous statement instead of the conversation as a whole. Often, this is made into either a rant or a criticism on the same subject over and over again. Elliot, from the sitcom Scrubs, does this quite a bit, for example. Most everything she says turns into a memory from her youth. Then again, that's part of what makes Scrubs funny. Even without Elliot, it would be a clever and witty show. My only real complaint is that the show hasn't been as good lately as it was in its earlier seasons. Fortunately, if the writers' strike ends in time for the show to continue, it will probably go back to what made it good before; the first few episodes of the current season have shown some promise.
3. Nitpicking. This is when somebody argues with a minor detail of a statement that doesn't have any impact on the validity of the what was said. Sure, you missspelled "astronaut", but that doesn't have anything to do with whether or not the moon landing was faked. Sometimes people will do this once they've run out of legitimate arguments, and sometimes they do it before they run out simply to prolong the debate. Either way, it's annoying and a waste of time.
4. Spam. This one is unique in that it's often (but not always) caused by a third party who has no interest or involvement in the discussion at hand, and also in that it's only really possible on the internet. Perhaps, in the middle of a debate, somebody will make a post with about a hundred links, each with different misspellings of "free viagra", "good rates home loans for refinancing", and "get some hot porns here of all the different fetishes" (If you got to this page by searching for terms similar to those, slap yourself on the face right now). It could be a new board member saying "test post tell me if this shows up". It could be simple douchebaggery, as in this real example which I witnessed just days ago (names have been changed to protect the annoying):
Captain Genius: "xshbycbfxtdg h gb"
Corporal Fartypants: "In English, please?"
Captain Genius: "spamming the thread for the sake of spamming the thread."
If you find that you have a habit of being regularly guilty of any of these, then I will NOT attempt to explain myself to you. I do not have the time to waste, and neither do most people. Please learn to converse in a rational and thoughtful manner. Make sure that the people around you can understand the words that are coming out of your mouth. Make sure that you actually have something to say before saying it. If you do, then I can assure you that the world will be a much more pleasant place, and that people will like to be around you.
posted by Covarr at 9:22 AM
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